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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24030370">Survivor's Guilt</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivilove/pseuds/vivilove'>vivilove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jonsa Drabbles [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire &amp; Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Setting, F/M, Half-Sibling Incest, Implied Sexual Content, Post-resurrection Jon Snow has some issues, Survivor Guilt, book!verse, mel burned shireen to resurrect Jon, obviously, or so they think, thus he's got a serious case of...</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:54:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24030370</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivilove/pseuds/vivilove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He risks a look. The flames have turned her hair to copper. He’s going to give in again, all too willingly.</p><p>Anon prompt: book!verse Jon ‘came back wrong’ Snow reunites with Sansa Stark to take Winterfell back from the Boltons.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jon Snow/Sansa Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jonsa Drabbles [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1190203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Jon x Sansa Drabble</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Survivor's Guilt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted on Tumblr for anon’s request, it semi-fits today’s drabble prompt Winterfell.</p><p>He's not terribly dark but Jon is filled with some self-loathing, guilt, rage and desire for his half-sister. Though it’s meant to be book!verse, there’s shades of their pre-BotB argument hinted at here since there would surely be tension on the eve of battle regardless of the circumstances.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>The snows have relented. The fires will burn throughout the night. They cannot stay here long. The enemy thinks they’ll outlast them behind the castle walls but they’ll never know those walls or that castle like he does.</p><p>The tattered remnants of Stannis’ army have joined his Wildlings to reclaim Winterfell. She had an army of her own and the two had met by happenstance, one from the east and one from the north, both with the same purpose.</p><p>He watches the fire with morbid fascination as it turns proud wood into blackened embers. In the flames, he can hear the screams of a child. He feels the heart that should not beat.</p><p>Guilt. It’s a great pit in his belly only kept at bay by his rage.</p><p>As long as he has a purpose though he can focus on something besides the guilt and rage.</p><p>Her approach is cautious after their earlier quarrel but he senses her. A wolf can always sense another of its kind.</p><p>Her voice is gentle. “Jon.”</p><p>His name sounds queer to him. Most don’t seem to know what to call him anymore, the dead man walking who warns them of other dead men that are coming.</p><p>But she only calls him Jon.</p><p>He burns. Gods, he deserves to burn. His own sister. <em>Half-sister</em>, a demon within cackles.</p><p>He should close his eyes, tell her to leave him be. There is nothing more for them to say tonight. By nightfall tomorrow, he’ll give her Winterfell or she may mourn his bones if she wishes.</p><p>His eyes stay open, he says nothing and she remains, her hand curling into his. His palm sweats. It’s cold as bollocks but he’s sweating in her presence. Is that his guilt or his desire?</p><p>“Come and take a rest with me.”</p><p>“I cannot rest.”</p><p>He knows no rest. He probably never will again. It was snatched from him when the witch roasted a child in exchange for his return.</p><p>“Ghost is restless. He won't lie down if you don’t.”</p><p>He knows Ghost better than she ever will, inside and out. “Ghost is an animal.” <em>Like I am</em>. “He'll rest when he wishes to.”</p><p>“Why are you so stubborn?”</p><p>He’d like to ask her the same.</p><p>He can feel that tug at the corner of his mouth, a smile creeping upon him. Only she can manage that tonight.</p><p>Her breath warms the shell of his ear but he shivers all the same when she whispers, “I cannot rest in the middle of this camp full of men without you near me.”</p><p>He risks a look. The flames have turned her hair to copper. He’s going to give in again, all too willingly. <em>Gods, forgive us both</em>.</p><p>“For a little while.”</p><p>Her grip tightens on his hand. She’ll pull him away from the fire and away from the darkest corners of his heart for a little while. And instead of rage, his guilt will wage a losing war with desire once more.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my last drabble entry for the event and I’ll start posting WIP updates again soon but, since tomorrow will be four years since 'The Book of the Stranger' aired where Jon and Sansa reunited at Castle Black and kicked my low-key shipping of them in the books into a serious obsession, I'm going to post a one shot I did recently to celebrate 😊. </p><p>Thank you so much for reading ❤️❤️❤️</p></blockquote></div></div>
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